The Night Before...
...Operation Gold Rescue.
It was a rare night at Vi’s in that the owner and operator was itching for it to end – Vi usually loved the camaraderie of the regulars and was entertained by the strays who happened in.
But as Vi checked the gaudy orange University of Tennessee clock on the wall facing the bar for the 10th time of the night…
…it was only 8:45.
“Oh, my GAWD, will this night EVER end?” she whined to herself. She placed her head on the bar and covered it with her hands. Her newly minted husband Edzel immediately noticed.
“’sup, babe? You look –”
“Bored? Tired? Disconnected?” deadpanned his wife.
That produced a smile from Ed. “Yeah, pretty much.”
Just then she noticed a table of strays all dressed…well, oddly. They were attempting to pay their tab, but Amy Simpkins, Vi’s waitress, was hesitating. She finally spun on her heel and approached the bar.
“What’s up with the costume party at the table?” quizzed Vi.
Amy sniffed. “Ya got me. They’re all ‘Ar! Hey Matey!’ Pirates? Must be on the way to a party, but they’re takin’ their authenticity a bit too far.” She placed a sliver of some gold metal on the bar. Vi picked it up and stared at it, then at Amy.
Amy shrugged. “ONE of ‘em claims it gold. ‘Coin of the realm,’ he called it. He pointed at that and said, ‘You ever seen one of these, Missy? That there’s a genuine piece of eight!’”
Vi studied it, then laughed. “As in ‘Pieces of Eight’?” She hefted the metal. “Wow, this piece COULD be gold. What the hell?”
One of the strays wandered up. “Even a publican landlubber should know that’s legal tender,” he rasped.
Vi stared at him, then noticed a hook protruding from his left sleeve. “You ever forget, ‘n’ scratch yer ass with that?” she asked.
The costumed customer laughed heartily, then motioned to the others to follow him out.
Vi shook her head, then glanced up at the clock. Wait a – Hey! It’s still just 8:45!
“I gotta sit down for a minute. Amy – take over the bar for me, please.”
Her waitress nodded, “Aye, Cap’n.”
Vi opened the cash register to chuck the “piece of eight” in with the change – and froze. “Alright,” she sighed. “Nice joke, okay?”
The cash register was filled – not with paper money, but fistfuls of gold slivers. She closed the register, then motioned to Ed to sit at one of the empty tables.
Ed looked at her with concern in his eyes. “You know, you’ve been a bit off since we got back from Iceland,” he murmured. “The voyage took longer than planned. Why don’t you let Amy take over, and we can go home for the night.”
Vi slowly shook her head. “I feel, I don’t know. Weird.” She rubbed her face and looked around. JD and JJ were in the middle of a game of 8-ball, and JD had just hit a complicated bank shot.
“Yyyyyyes! Pay up, punk!” he howled at his son. JJ disgustedly reached into his pocket and flipped his father…a Spanish gold Real. JD cackled and placed it on a tall stack on the edge of the table.
Vi rubbed her eyes, closed and opened them. She looked to the pool table, and –
JD was dancing around the table, pointing at a stack of U.S. paper currency. His son glowered at his father.
“Damn,” Vi breathed. “Yeah, sweetie, I think I need to – “she stopped mid-sentence as she glanced at her husband.
Who was wearing a patch over one eye.
“I feel like I’m goin’ NUTS, and YOU’RE playin’ with my head!” Vi barked, loud enough that the regulars froze and stared at her.
Vi stared back, then closed her eyes. “Look, how ‘bout we stay til 9, then get the hell outa here. I…I really don’t feel well.”
She glanced back up at the clock. It remained 8:45. Her eyes widened, and she looked to her husband.
Ed stared back in concern – minus an eye patch. “Honey? You wanna go to the ER maybe? You’re sweating.”
Vi nodded. Yeah, maybe we should. She stood, but felt dizzy, so she sank back to her chair. “Get Doc over here, would you??”
Edzel nodded and smiled. “That’s the ticket. I’ll get him – right after he finishes off Augie.”
Vi nodded and rubbed her forehead. Then it hit her. “What? What did you say?”
Vi looked to her left and caught sight of Doc and Augie, struggling in a sword fight. There was blood on Augie’s blouse, and it was dripping down onto his pantaloons.
Pantaloons?
“Doc, you may vanquish me, but I’ll at least perish fighting for a woman’s honor!” Behind Augie, draped across a chair, sat Edline, arms covering her ripped bodice.
Next to her, leering at her nearly exposed breasts, was Aggie, who was cackling and weighing a small pouch.
“For God’s sake, Doc! Finish off the poor fool, and we’ll split his loot! 50-50! Take what you can!”
Doc laughed heartily, then answered, “Give NOTHIN’ back!” With that, he thrust his sword into Augie’s stomach. The young man shivered slightly, dropped his sword, clutched his innards as they began to escape the gaping hole in his abdomen, and fell on his back.
The crowd cheered lustily. Amy rounded the bar, somehow now in a tawdry low cut red gown, her own breasts leaking shamelessly out of her top. She embraced Doc, locked him in a passionate kiss, their tongued eagerly intertwined.
Vi gasped…
…and was suddenly awake.
She was sitting up in bed, quaking, Edzel next to her, holding her.
“Sweetheart? Bad dream?”
Vi shook her head and plopped back on her pillow.
“I just want this damn GOLD business over and done with! TOMORROW!”
“Tomorrow night,” assured Ed, rolling over and turning off the light.
Vi’s Roadhouse - Rednecks and Longnecks is at the printers! It’s gonna be a dandy, so make sure to order your copy on Amazon when it comes out! It’s in paperback, Kindle, and audio book.